I received a very strange phone call at work last night.
Here's how the conversation went, as best as I can recall.
Me: Hi, Starbucks North Hills, Cristina speaking. How may I help you?
Stranger: Uh..hi. Yeah, like how many calories are in a JAVA CHIP?
M: I don't know off the top of my head, but I could look it up in our nutritional information pamphlet.
S: Yeah, can you like do that for me?
M: Sure. What size Java Chip?
M: It's 270 calories.
S: FUCK! THAT MUCH?! FUCK!!....You think that's the reason I'm growing a penis?
M: I don't think so, no.
S: Let me ask you something. Have you ever had, "lesbian thoughts"?
M: No, not really, no.
S: OH HO HO! You said "not really!" That means that you have!
M: Everyone has a THOUGHT about it.
S: So, you wanna scissor sometime?
M: No thanks, I don't know what diseases you might have.
S: I JUST WANT TO SCISSOR. What was your name again?
S: Okay, Cristina, I'm gonna come in and get some Starbucks. In like 2 seconds, I'm outside, walking towards the door. Oh, I see you.
M: I don't see anybody.
S: Yeah, that's probably because I'm not there. YET!
M: Alright, do you have any other questions? I have a lot of work to do.
S: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT..wait...wait..wait.
M: Alright, you have a nice evening now.
S: WAIT! NO, NO, WAIT.. wait, CRISTINA, CRISTINA, wait.